


Another Son

by Sun_rays



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Eddie Diaz, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Eddie Diaz, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of War, Original Character Death(s), Past Eddie Diaz, Protective Buck, War flashbacks, sadfic, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24436444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sun_rays/pseuds/Sun_rays
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING!!!I mention war and original characters, including kids, die so please be prepared for that.  A tad bit gorey and sad.They watch as Eddie snuggles closer to Buck in search of warmth and comfort. Eddie looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes. He can see it now; the memories he recalls daily but only enough to not forget and never enough to send him to a panic. He can see it all now without restraint; he can see the small boy he once called his own. “I,” Eddie’s voice is raspy with exhaustion, “had another son. His name was Abed.”ORAfter the Firefam is called as backup to a fire, Eddie is triggered and recalls memories/ his "adoptive son" he lost while in Afghanistan.  He brakes down and he reveals things of his past.  Buck is there to comfort him.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	Another Son

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!  
> I mention war in this fic and it also gets a little gorey.  
> I've read a bunch fanfics but never wrote one until now, but please leave some reviews/comments if possible so i know that to work on in the future.  
> This is my first fic. I don't know if it'll be any good, but here it is. The verb tense is probably off, sorry for that. I checked for mistakes but some are probably present. I tried to make this sad but i couldn't get it quite right.
> 
> Please Read end notes

911 dispatcher: 911, what’s your emergency?  
  
Woman: There’s a fire!! The entire apartment building is smoking. The alarms are going off, but the sprinklers aren’t.  
  
911 dispatcher: Ma’am can you tell me your location?  
  
Woman: We’re at the evergreen apartment complex near the city bank on maple St. Please hurry, I think there are people stuck inside.  
  
(30mins before call)  
  
With only 3 hours left in his 24hr shift, Eddie lazily throws himself onto the nearest couch. The calls today had been interesting to say the least. From saving a cat stuck in a tree to helping an elderly man cross the street. Each call, although not difficult, was exhausting. Dealing with people in regular situations was exhausting all on its own but dealing with people in “crisis” was life draining. _3 more hours_ Eddie thinks, and he’d be at home with Christopher in his arms. Before his next thought forms, however, the couch dips beside him; it’s Buck.  
  
Buck whose smile alone rivaled the suns brilliance and whose presence seemed to make everything better. “You okay Eds “he asks leaning closer trying to work whatever problem was on Eddie’s face.  
  
“Yeah, just y’know thinking.” Today and the past few weeks were weighing on Eddie more than he realized. Luckily tomorrow was a day off and if he were really lucky, he could convince Buck to come over and spend the night. Not only would Chris be ecstatic to see his Buck, but he would get a great breakfast out of it too. Buck always loved to cook breakfast for the Diaz boys.  
  
“Alright, just don’t hurt yourself” Buck says with smirk. Before Eddie could reply, he notices Chim and Hen making their way over while arguing about who knows what. Before they can sit, Bobby’s voice rings out.  
  
“Guys,” Bobby yells from the other side of the station, “We just got called for backup by the nearby stations. There’s a massive fire with many possible casualties. Suit up and let’s go.”  
  
Before Eddie could rise to his feet, he feels a strong hand land on his thigh. Buck looks over and smiles. “C’mon, let’s go kick some ass”, he squeezes Eddie’s thigh once then takes off.  
  
Eddie sits and stares for a spell. Over the past few months, he realized Buck was the one. Somehow this reckless man had worked his way into his life. He was a constant uplifting force of happiness in Eddie’s life. Somewhere along the way, he fell in love. He might have had an identity crisis after realizing he was in love with another man, but he couldn’t picture his life without Buck in it. But now wasn’t the time to daydream, it was time to save lives.

  
(On the scene)

  
Once they arrive at the burning apartments, the flames are almost controlled. Bobby quickly gets debriefed and begins ordering the team around. Eddie and Buck are tasked with looking through the wreckage for any survivors and locate any who weren’t so lucky. As they approach the wreckage, they hear a haunting scream. It’s a middle-aged woman screaming her sons name. Her wails are ominous against the crumbling building. “Luke,” she screeches, “Luke, baby, where are you!!” Once she spots the duo, she throws herself into Eddie’s arms. “Please, you have to find him. He’s my entire world.” The lady cries uncontrollably until a nearby officer takes her away.  
  
Eddies looks at Buck and nods. It’s an unspoken promise to each other to look for the missing child and bring him back alive if possible. Incidents where children were involved always hit too close to home for Eddie. They made him think of his own son who without Buck would be gone. It also made him think of Afghanistan and his closest memory nobody knew about.  
  
As they searched through the wreckage, all they could see was burnt wood and furniture. The deeper they got the more dangerous the building becomes. The floor is unstable and creaks at every step taken. Deeper still they go while calling out for survivors. No casualties yet, so it was good so far until they reach what looks to be a hole in the floor leading from the second floor above them to the basement below. Eddie approaches with Buck close behind; this was dangerous, the floor could give way any minute if they weren’t careful.  
  
“There’s no one down there Eds,” Buck calls. “Let’s go back and search the next part of the building.” Eddie gives a nod and begins following Buck out, but something tells him to turn around. Every instinct in his body tells him to turn around and look closer. That’s when he spots him: a young boy maybe 8yrs old laying on the ground covered almost entirely by rubble. “Luke is that you buddy?” Eddie calls out. “We’re with the LAFD, so don’t worry bud. We’ll get you out and to your mom in no time.” As Eddie gets closer he notices a red pool of blood next to the kid.  
  
For an instant Eddie is back in Afghanistan, he can feel the desert heat, his dry lips, and a cold small body surrounded by his bloody hands. He clenches his fists and wills the image away, the kid in front of him needs him; he can worry about his own problems later. “Buck, call it in. I’ll try to clear this off him and find a pulse,” he says as he motions towards the fallen floor on top of the small child.  
  
Once he has a hand free, he looks for signs of life. _Fuck, no pulse_. “He’s gone Buck. We were too late.” Eddie feels Buck place a hand on his shoulder; he squeeze firmly grounding him. “C’mon let’s get this stuff off him and bring him up. If this is Luke, his mom will want to at least hold him again.”  
  
They are quiet as they work until they have the body completely uncovered. “He bled to death,” Buck mutters. “From the looks of it, the floor gave way and he must’ve landed on this pipe.” Buck looks at Eddie and can see something is wrong. His face is pale and his eyes sad. He notices a few tears running down his face before he finally speak, Eddie quietly speaks. “He didn’t die instantly. He must have been so scared. He was only a kid Buck.” Whatever was holding Eddie together brakes and he quietly sobs as he removes the lifeless boy and wraps his jacket around him. “it’s okay,” he whispers. “I gotcha. It’ll be okay. The pain is gone, and I’ll take you to your mom.” Buck stands dumbfounded. Strong, stoic, dependable Eddie was breaking in front of him and he couldn’t find the words to make it better. He watches as Eddie emerges with the kid, cradling him gently and whispering while tears continue to fall down his face.  
  
This wasn’t the first call where they lost a child but for some reason this call was different. Eddie was hurting and he didn’t know or understand why. Perhaps it hit to close to home, but Eddie never reacted like this before. Buck watches as the screaming woman goes silent the instant she sees Eddie. “No no no no!!!,” she cries, “Please Luke, wake up. You can’t leave me baby. Please wake up.” She crumples before them and holds her lifeless son in arms once Eddie hands him over. “I’m so sorry,” Eddie begins. “He was gone by the time we got there. I wish we could have saved him.” The woman’s lamentations can be heard for miles. Everything else seems quiet compared to her wails.  
  
Buck makes his way over to Eddie and places a hand on his back and rubs soothing circles in hopes of grounding the broken man. “Let’s go, we still have work to do.” The words seem to breathe life back into Eddie. He simply nods and follows Buck to the next location. Buck looks over and can tell Eddie is barely holding himself together now. They need this call to end so he can try and comfort him.  
  
  
(Back in the station)

  
The ride back is quiet. The tension in the air is palpable. The team all give Eddie small glances and can immediately tell something is up. Eddie is pale, his eyes are red and free of emotion. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. Once the truck stops, they all silently watch as Eddie robotically removes his seat belt and climbs out the truck. They share concerned and worried looks and turn to Buck for answers. “I honestly don’t know guys. This call did something to him. I’ve never seen him react that way. I’m worried.” Bobby gently pats Bucks shoulder and ushers everyone towards the locker room. Whatever was happening to Eddie needed to be addressed, this wasn’t a normal reaction and Bobby needed to make sure his team was alright.  
  
Once in the locker room, Chim is the first to speak. “Hey Eddie, your boy tells us the last call was a little personal. You okay.” Eddie abruptly stops changing and stands impossibly straight. He turns to give a practiced smile that never reaches his eyes. “I’ll be alright Chim. You don’t have to worry.” Before Buck can counter, Hen approaches Eddie carefully so as to not scare him away. “Eddie, you’re not alright. Something’s up and the more you hold it in the worse it’ll be. We got you. You don’t gotta hold back with us.” Hearing her words seems to relieve some tension from Eddie and Buck takes the opportunity to move in closer. He places an arm around Eddie and turns to look into his eyes. Eddie looks at him for what seems like centuries before throwing himself into Buck’s arms. Eddie burrows his face into Buck and holds on for dear life as he quietly sobs. Buck tightly holds Eddie as his entire body shakes. “We’ll give y’all some privacy,” Bobby softly speaks, “take care of him Buck.” That goes without saying, there was nothing the in world that Buck wouldn’t do for Eddie or his son.  
  
After an eternity, Eddie finally shifts in Buck’s arms and tenses. “Christopher, I need to go pick him up. Abuela will get worried if I’m late again.” Eddie’s half-hearted excuse does little to move him from the position they’re in. Buck has Eddie in him arms, he’ll die before he lets him hurt anymore. “It’s already taken care of. Bobby let her know you needed a bit more time. She’ll keep him until tomorrow.” The simple reassurance sends relief through Eddie and he slumps again into his best friend. “I’m here when you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be today but I’m always here Eds.” He feels the sharp intake of air against his neck and then feels Eddie shift to look into his eyes. “Buck, I have to tell you something. I can’t keep it in anymore, it hurts being the only one who knows.” Buck gently takes Eddie’s face into his hand as Eddie leans into the warmth. “Alright, the others are still here. I got your back. Always.”  
  
In the station, the rest of the crew are waiting in the living area. They see Buck leading Eddie out and towards them. They hate how small Eddie looks; how sad his eyes look. He looks fragile, like the wind could sweep him up and break him further any second now. Buck plops down on the nearest couch and brings Eddie down with him. They watch as Eddie snuggles closer to Buck in search of warmth and comfort. Eddie looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes. He can see it now; the memories he recalls daily but only enough to not forget and never enough to send him to a panic. He can see it all now without restraint; he can see the small boy he once called his own. “I,” Eddie’s voice is raspy with exhaustion, “had another son. His name was Abed.”  
  
The rest of the crew stop breathing for a second and take in the information. Buck turns to look at Bobby, the only person who knows what it’s like to lose children and can most relate to whatever Eddie is feeling. Bobby is visibly shaken by Eddie’s words but stays strong. He gives Buck a nod. Now not the time for him to fall into a hole of self-punishment. He knows Eddie will need loving people around him to get through this unbearable pain. Bucks looks at Eddie; he still has his eyes closed and is facing the ceiling. He can’t help but lean over and place a gentle kiss to his temple. “I’m here,” he wants to say but knows he can’t break whatever silent agreement they all made the moment the bomb was dropped. Eddie shifts again next to Buck and quietly begins to recall the secret life he lived in Afghanistan. “It was after Chris was born and I re-enlisted. Back when I was afraid of loving someone who felt so small and fragile. I ran to Afghanistan and I found Abed. And he changed me forever.”

  
(Flashback to Eddie’s second tour in Afghanistan. A few months after Chris was born)

  
A younger Eddie in his early twenties stands ready for attention. He is accompanied by the rest of his troop while they remain lined up ready for further instruction. “We will be staying in this small village for a period of time. Keep an eye out for anyone or anything suspicious. And be respectful to the locals. They took us in even though they didn’t need to.” “Sir yes sir,” the soldiers salute. “Diaz. Smith. Take a walk in the village, report anything you think is off but otherwise make nice with the people. The rest of you start unpacking. I want everything set and ready before sunset.” The commanding officer leaves the troop to begin their work while Eddie and Smith head out to greet the locals.  
  
“The names Jay Smith. I don’t think we’ve actually ever talked before Diaz.” “I guess not,” Eddie’s smiles,” call me Eddie. It’s good to officially meet you. I’m a medic so you get hurt, I got you.” Jay looks over and throws an arm around Eddie bringing him closer. “Y’know, that actually makes me feel better. I got your back, brother.” Eddie’s can’t help but notice how new Jay feels. It’s probably his first tour. His short brown hair and pale skin look odd surrounded by the desert around them. His green eyes look innocent and unmarred by the sights around then. He almost wants to give the guy a heads up. To tell him to brace himself for anything. This job isn’t as fun and exciting as the movies make it seem; they always leave out the painful memories etched into their bodies by the vicious heat and sand. _Whatever, he’ll figure out eventually_ Eddie thinks. No amount of warning can really prepare anyone for what lies in a war-torn country. It’s better he learns it himself firsthand then by word of mouth.  
  
They make into the village and begin to greet the locals. Surprisingly, Jay is fluent and can communicate with them. The villagers look impressed and welcome them warmly into their homes. Out of the corner of his eye Eddie can’t help but notice a small boy playing with rocks beside a worn-out home. He has wavy almost curly dark brown hair. He’s skinny but not malnourished just a little small but nothing out of the ordinary. Then he looks up and his eyes meet Eddie’s. Big brown eyes meet his and then a playful smile erupts from the boy’s mouth. His little legs propel him foreword and send him crashing into Eddie’s legs at an astonishing speed. He holds onto them and looks up at him and laughs. The boy can’t be any older than 3 and Eddie can’t help but think of his own son he left behind.  
  
He crouches down and runs his fingers though the boy’s hair. “Hey bud. Don’t you look happy.” They boy looks up at him and squints and turns his head like a confused puppy at the sounds coming from Eddie’s mouth. He can’t help but smile and laugh at his confusion. “I’m Eddie.” He points to himself then gestures to the boy still clinging to him. “What’s your name.” It takes a second for the boy’s mind to catch up. Eddie can see the gears start turning as the boy tries to solve the problem at hand. “Abed,” the boy calls out. “Abed, I know you don’t understand me, but I feel like we’re gonna be great friends.” Eddie continues to smile at the little boy until their moment is interrupted by elderly woman. She has grey hair and kind eyes. “Abed,” she motions for the boy and begins to speak in her native tongue. The boy turns and runs to her. He looks back at Eddie and smiles. Eddie waves goodbye to the elderly lady and the small boy. She then picks up the boy and waves at Eddie before heading back inside her home. “She says it’s dinner time,” Jay translates beside him. Most of the locals have already returned to their homes and only a few stragglers remain. “She’s got a point. I’m starving.” He rises to his feet and bumps Jay’s shoulder. “Let’s head back, it’s getting late anyways.” Jay throws him a mock salute, “Aye aye captain.”  
  
The next few days all blur together. Eddie’s sent on patrol every now and then but is mostly resigned to boring afternoons at base camp on the lookout for interlopers. His weekly highlights are when he’s allowed to visit the villagers. Since he’s a medic, he’s allowed to visit the village more often than the others and treat the villagers if any wounds arise. Most of the times it’s just him and Jay walking though the village in search of anyone who may need their help. At least it would be, but they’re always followed by a small shadow. Abed the boy Eddie befriended always seems to be on the lookout for Eddie and once he finds him, he follows them until they have to return. “I think he likes you,” Jay teases. Eddie smirks,” you’re just mad he choose the cooler one to follow. It’s okay, I think you’re alright.” “Whatever, we all know I’m the coolest one in this town. Maybe the coolest one in this whole country,” Jay proudly boasts. They both break into laugher which encourages the small boy closer. Once in range. The boy takes off running and crashes once again into Eddie’s legs nearly toppling him over. “Easy there bud, you’re stronger than you look.” The boy looks up at Eddie and laughs clearly happy with his actions. Eddie doesn’t hesitate to hoist Abed into his arms. The boy in turn snuggles into Eddie for affection and lets himself be carried. They stay like that for the remainder of the village visit with Abed plastered against Eddie refusing to let go. Eddie gently rubs the boys back as he slowly drifts to sleep. “You’re a natural.” Jay softly whispers careful not to wake the sleeping child. “You’ll be a great dad one day.” “I am a dad,” Eddie wants to say but that feels wrong. He hasn’t earned the right to be called that not since he fled like a coward to escape his own insecurities.  
  
This becomes a regular occurrence. Every visit to the village results in Eddie being smothered by a toddler. His tiny arms always wrap around Eddie and hold on desperate for attention. And every visit ends with Eddie carefully depositing the sleeping child into his grandmother’s arms. Eddie can’t help but be overjoyed every time the boys seeks him out. He imagines that this is what his own son will be like when he returns, so he makes an effort to reach out to Shannon.  
  
He becomes enthralled with watching his son, Christopher, grow in front of him through a poor quality video camera. Things look good for once, and Shannon seems happy to have Eddie becoming more invested in their son’s life. And Eddie also grows to love Abed the little boy who never fails to find him. He spends whatever time he can spare playing with the boy and showing him how much he cares. Eddie forces Jay to act as a translator when he tells Abed stories of his own childhood. Time passes by quickly before he knows it, it’s been 5 months. It’s during this time that Eddie is rocked to his very core when Abed begins to call him by a different name.  
  
It’s a pretty normal day when Abed begins to call Eddie “Baba.” It sounds like “papa” to Eddie, but he looks to Jay for translation. Jay is hesitant at first unsure of what to say. “He...uh... thinks you’re his dad Eds.” Eddie’s feasibly shocked for a second and he looks down at Abed. He thinks back to every encounter between them and notices that boy is right. It was Eddie who was constantly caring after the boy like a father would. He feels excited about the development. His glassy eyes sparkle with unshed happy tears and settle on the bundle of joy below him. Eddie reaches down and takes the Abed in his arms like he always does. “Jay please translate for me.” Jay fidgets for a second before nodding. “I’ll be your dad Abed. I’ll take care of you.” As Jay finishes translating the boy begins to yelp in glee. Eddie spins him around in his arms and then brings closer to his chest. Abed’s steady breathing soothes any worry that might arise. He swears then and there to never let anything hurt Abed. For the first time he feels like a dad. He feels like he has finally earned the right to be called one.  
  
Eddie and Abed became inseparable. Eddie takes it upon himself to teach Abed English and little bit of Spanish with some help from Jay. His first and last thoughts every day are about his new family; His two sons who one day will meet. “Abed, I never told you this, but I have another son. You’re a big brother.” Jay looks shocked at this revelation but translates without question. Abed seems to absorb the information before giving off an enormous smile. The boy starts running in circles and a stream of words escape his smiling lips. Jay quickly tries to translate but can barely keep up. Abed goes on and on about all the different things him and his new brother will do. “I’ll teach him to jump high, and how to climb.” He then begins to wiggle around and demonstrate the dances he will teach his brother to do. Eddie couldn’t be happier. “I’ll take you with me. I’ll make sure of it,” Eddie promises.  
  
Once the excitement is over, Eddie unfolds a picture he keeps hidden in his breast pocket closest to his heart. “This is Christopher, your little brother.” Abed looks at the picture and smiles even wider. He points to Chris’ hair and his brown eyes and begins to yell excitedly. Eddie turns to Jay in confusion and once again asks for clarity. “He says they have the same curly hair and brown eyes so they must be brothers.” _My two boys_ Eddie thinks. He can imagine the world ahead of them. Once he returns home with Abed, he knows he’ll give him the best life he can. It would be strange at first but he’s sure Shannon will back him up. Their relationship was stronger than ever, and he couldn’t see a reason for her to hate the idea of having another wonderful kid. Proof was in the past few weeks. Things between them had improved tremendously. They’d make a great family, and Shannon would be an incredible mom.  
  
It’s all too sudden when bad news hits. They’re being relocated in one month to a different village. They’ll stay for a few weeks before returning to Abed’s village. Eddie is overcome with dread at having to tell his son of the news. “Jay, do you think he’ll understand?” Eddie asks as they make their way to the village. “I think he’ll be okay Eds. He’s a smart kid and we’ll be gone a short time. 6 weeks tops.” “I guess you’re right. Let’s get this over with.”  
  
Abed takes the news fairly well. He cries at first and refuses to let go of Eddie but eventually understands. “I’ll come back for you. I will never leave you behind,” Eddie reassures him.

A month passes by quickly and he has to prepare for departure. He leaves Abed with pictures of their time together and his most valuable possession, his Saint Christopher Medal. It’s his reminder of his son, and now it will be a beacon guiding him back to his other son. “Keep it safe. I’ll come back for it and you.” He holds Abed closer that day and kisses him every chance he gets. They cling to each other until it’s time for him to go. It’s dark out by then and Abed is fast asleep. He tucks the boy into bed and places a kiss to his forehead. “I love you and I’ll be back before you know it,” he whispers. That night he’s restless and sleep doesn’t come easy.  
  
  
4 excruciatingly long weeks come and go. Each moment of which Eddie worries about Abed. Jay, his closest friend is forced to deal with Eddie’s worried dad episodes. “Do you think he’ll remember me? Fuck, what if he forgets who I am. What if he hates me?” Eddie paces back and forth while Jay watches unamused. “I’m sure he’s fine Eds. He’s probably waiting by the door for you to come running back.” Tomorrow they would be heading back to Abed’s village. Over the past month, Eddie had reached out to several people who could help with arrangements for Abed to be transferred to the US. It was a long and difficult process, but it would be worth it to have his family together. He just needs Abed’s grandmother’s approval and the process of adoption would begin. He has yet to mention Abed to the rest of his family, but he would tomorrow. It was finally time to bring his family together.  
  
As Jay and Eddie load up the vehicles, the commanding officer makes his way over. Eddie’s instincts tell him to prepare for bad news. _Oh no_ , Eddie thinks, _we have to stay longer_. The commanding officer looks at them then begins to speak, “we’ll be departing immediately so work fast. The village was attacked by terrorists, but a separate unit drove them off and they are now in pursuit. It’s our job now to clear the village of any insurgents and recover any survivors.” As the words leave the officers mouth, Eddie feels his stomach drop and he can’t seem to catch his breathe. “Abed,” he whimpers and begins to breakdown. “No,” Jay quickly answers, “we don’t know the damage yet. Don’t give up before we know more.” “Right, yeah. Let’s go.” Eddie wipes away any stray tears and gets ready to head out.  
  
The village is in ruins. Every house is burnt down and crumpling. Eddie keeps a running mantra in his head. _He’ll be okay_ , he repeats over and over. He makes his way over to Abed’s house followed closely by Jay. The house, like all the others, is blown to bits. A lifeless and burnt body lays in one corner of the house, most likely Abed’s grandmother. They move some of the debris and find a small brown hand. “Abed!!” Eddie yells. Jay and he remove the rest of the wreckage off his small body. The sight that remains would continue to haunt Eddie for the rest of his life. There, on the ground, is his little boy with half his body covered in severe burns. Eddie frantically checks for a pulse but finds none. “No no no,” Eddie wails at top of his lungs. “My boy, not him. Please god bring back,” he begs. He wraps his arms around the lifeless corpse and holds him as close as he can. “I’m sorry, I should’ve been here for you. I promised you a life outside of this chaos, but I couldn’t keep it. I’m so sorry.” Jay watches in complete horror and sadness as Eddie sobs while rocking back and forth with Abed. He knows they can’t stay. They have orders to move out by the end of the day. “Eddie, we have to bury him and move on. I know it’s hard, but we don’t have a choice. We can’t stay here.” “Yeah, just give me a second. I just need to hold him.” Eddie slowly makes his way out of the house. And towards an open field. He gently places the boy on the ground and turns to face Jay. “Can you go find a shovel. I’m gonna stay here and fix him up a bit.” Jay nods and leaves Eddie.  
  
Eddie carefully caresses Abed’s small face and imagines the smiles he used to give. He then removes his jacket and carefully wraps it around him. He looks at the name on the jacket and smiles. “You’re a Diaz bud.” He looks over the body and can’t stop the tears from falling once again. He gently removes the Saint Christopher medal still on his boy’s neck and wraps it around his own. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, but I’m here now. We’ll meet again one day and when we do, I’ll hold you again. I won’t let go next time.” He sits there in silence waiting Jay to come back.  
  
Once Abed is buried Eddie stands there feeling empty. Jay wraps an arm around Eddie to bring whatever comfort he can. “The rest of unit is waiting,” he speaks softly, “C’mon you’ve done all you can.” Eddie feels like a shell of the man he used to be. He doesn’t want to feel anymore. It takes all his strength to walk away.  
  
As time passes, the rest of the unit immediately notice Eddie’s unusual behavior. He used to smile, joke around, and show empathy wherever he could, but now he is reserved and withdrawn. He becomes almost robotic and seems to be on constant autopilot. He feels like if he stops to think he’ll become overwhelmed by sadness, so he decides to delve into his work and think only of finishing one task and moving onto the next. He also unintentionally begins to neglect the rest of his family but then rationalizes that it for the best if he stays away. The relationship he tried to build with Shannon overseas slowly deteriorates after weeks of no communication. He failed one person in his life and it only filled him with the feeling of insufficiency. He wasn’t enough and he never would; He lacked the strength to hold onto his loved ones and figures there’s no point in trying anymore. Christopher and Shannon would be better off without him.  
  
Jay notices his descent and tries every way to help. He invites him to the local villages to hang out with the people, but Eddie’s adamantly refuses. He instead opts to stay in base and keep busy working out, redoing chores, and running drills to stay sharp. He can see the exhaustion in his eyes, the once bright brown eyes full of sprit are gone. He’s spiraling down a pit of despair, and Jay feels helpless. But every worry is glossed over by an empty “I’m fine” every time. He tries to give him time to grieve, but it’s been months and still Eddie refuses to acknowledge that he needs help. His self-destruction is almost suffocating.

It not until new recruits arrive that Jay realizes he won’t let his best friend continue down this path. The new recruits ogle Eddie and frequently regard him at the perfect soldier. He’s emotionless and goal driven. He is impossibly organized and model soldier, but Jay can see through the guise. They begin to call him “Killer” after his deadly accuracy when fighting and the palpable anger he shows when facing the enemy. When Eddie is not on autopilot, the only emotion he shows is absolute rage. It’s intimidating and too much. 

Jay finally speaks up one afternoon after driving out a terrorist group with his troop. The encounter is pretty ordinary except once again Eddie throws himself into the fray guns blazing. As the medic, he should hang back, but recently he has been the first to act, the first to shoot. After the ordeal is over, he follows Eddie into base camp. “Eds, you can’t keep doing this! You know better than to throw yourself headfirst like that. You’re not thinking and now you’re endangering everyone else. Enough is enough!!” He intends to be calm, but emotion takes over. He has to make Eddie understand that what’s going on is not right.

Eddie walks towards him and clenches his fists. “Does it really matter? We drove them out. I got the job done.” Jay loses what little composure he has left. It’s now or never, time to explode. “Of course it matters!! For starters, I don’t want to see you get killed for being reckless. And most importantly, did you forget you have a family waiting for you? Jesus Christ Eddie, you have a son waiting for you.” As he finishes his sentence, he sees the anger flash in Eddie’s eyes. The next thing he knows, he’s being slammed against the side of a nearby vehicle.

“Don’t talk like you know something about me,” Eddie roars. “I’m nothing!! They’re better off without me. I’m useless; I couldn’t even protect…” His words drift off and the sadness rolls off him in waves. “I don’t deserve to live. I rather die fighting than feel this pain every day.” He falls to his knees in front of Jay while tears begin to flow down his face. “I just don’t wanna hurt anymore,” he whimpers.

Jay falls to his knees and brings Eddie into a crushing embrace. “This is my fault,” Jay whispers. “I shouldn’t have let you get so close. I knew better. Nothing good would’ve come from this.” Eddie stills and pushes Jay away. “Abed was the best thing that could have happened to me,” Eddie continues fueled now by anger, promoting his roller-coaster of emotions. “I don’t regret meeting him for a second!!” “Will you just look at yourself Eddie!! Look at what you’re becoming. This isn’t you. His loss is destroying you.” Jay slowly reaches over, and grabs hold of Eddie met with little protest. “Please,” he begs, “let me in. Let me help you.” He tries to look into Eddie’s eyes for any semblance of the man he used to be. 

Eddie turns his head and breaks the eye contact. He brings his knees up and hugs his arms around them and crawls into himself. “Just go…please,” he quietly whispers. He’s exhausted. Everything feels like too much.

Jay climbs to his feet and looks at Eddie. He looks smaller than ever. _This is pointless_ , he thinks, _He won’t listen_. “You know where to find me Eds, I’m always here.” With that, he leaves. 

The only sound heard against the quiet night are Eddie’s quiet whimpers.

Weeks pass and Eddie avoids Jay. He only speaks to him out of necessity and even then, it’s only a few words. He becomes even more distant and withdrawn as he battles his inner demons. His future looks bleak and miserable.

As the missions go on, eventually, Eddie is tasked with boarding a chopper and transporting injured soldiers. As he looks around, he spots a familiar face in Jay. He keeps his distance. All is routine until a loud crash erupts from the side of the aircraft launching everyone in the air. Things are flying, people are screaming, and then it all goes dark.

Eddie awakes to distant gunfire and a worried Jay. “What happened.” The words feel heavy and his head feels like its underwater. _I probably hit my head_ , he thinks. “We were ambushed,” Jay supplies. “C’mon, get up. We need to get moving. Reinforcements are 6 minutes out.” Eddie gets to his feet and is meet with a wave of nausea. He leans against Jay and steadies himself. The shots getting closer and closer. They take cover and ready themselves to retaliate to buy time.

As seconds turn to hours, Eddie hears a muffled cry from the wreaked chopper. “Was there anyone else in the heli?” he asks. “Not that I could see, but there could be. I had to get you out first.” Once again, Eddie hears the sound of a wounded soldier. “I think there’s someone else in there. I’ll go check.” Before he can stand, Jay pushes him back down. “I’ll go. You’re probably still a little dizzy. Plus, you’re the better shot. Cover me.” Eddie nods in compliance. “Stay low, and be careful,” he calls.

Inside the remains of the helicopter, Jay locates the source of the noise. There’s a soldier pinned underneath fallen supplies. He rushes over and begins freeing the soldier. “Are you hurt? Can you move?” he asks as he examines for any obvious injuries. “I’m good, I was just pinned down.” “Good, get up and let’s move. Quickly.” 

As they exit the helicopter bullets begin to whiz past them. Each one just narrowly missing its target. They rush out but as he moves to leave, he spots a large projectile flying fast towards them. “Get down,” he yells as he throws the soldier out of the way.

Eddie hears a yell followed by a deafening explosion. What remains of the fallen chopper is in burning chaos. The flames announce their presence by consuming anything and everything around them. Eddie quickly runs towards the fiery abyss and spots a body lying on the ground. He checks their pulse and shakes them awake. “Where’s Jay?” he yells. “He pushed me out of the way, I think he got caught in the blast.” _Fuck_ , Eddie thinks, _not you too_. He runs into the flames determined to find his friend. 

“Jay!!! It’s me, Eddie. Call out if you can hear me.” The heat is blinding and suffocating. With each passing second, it gets harder to breathe. “Jay, c’mon man, don’t do this to me,” Eddie pleads as he continues to search. “Over here,” a voice calls out. Eddie rushes over and finds Jay in shambles. His left arm is missing, and his left leg looks like it only being held together by charred skin and burning fabric. A pool of blood surrounds them, envelops any thoughts of Jay surviving this ordeal. “I think this might be the end for me,” he forces a smile with sad eyes. “Hey, I got you. I’ll get you out. Just hang on.” Eddie presses down on the wounds trying to stop the bleeding. He looks around for anything he can use to help seal the wounds. Jay begins to cough uncontrollably as blood fights its ways out of his body. He stifles a whimper from the pressure and pain of the wounds being held closed by Eddie’s hand. This whole situation feels unreal. He looks at Eddie and lets out a pained laugh. “We had some good times, huh? Look, I’m not getting out of here Eds. Get out while you can. No need for the two of us to die.”

“No,” Eddie refutes. “Either we both make it or none of us do.” “God, you’re so stubborn,” he can’t help but laugh again. He can still move his right arm, so he grabs onto Eddie. “Eddie,” he grins through labored breathes, “you gotta promise me you’ll take care of yourself man. This god damn war has taken too much already. Don’t let it consume you too.”

“I’m sorry,” he replies. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole.” He takes Jay’s hand in his and holds on. Jay is bloody and pale but even then, he continues to smile. “Don’t worry about me. This just means I get to see Abed a little sooner than expected.” Tears trail down his face as he continues to try and appease some of Eddie’s fears. He reaches for Eddie’s collar and pulls it down and reveals the Saint Christopher medal on his neck. He lightly taps it. “You still have people waiting for you Eddie. Don’t forget.” As he continues, his breathing become more and more shallow. The time between each breath becomes longer. “You’re…a…great…dad.” His words fill the space and then his breathing stops.

Eddie looks at his fallen brother and memorizes the scene; Forces it into the crevices of his mind and carves it into his brain. Reality comes back in a flash of heat as he looks at the flames inching forward. He takes Jay’s dog tags and rises. _I won’t let you down_ , thinks. He picks up his abandoned gun and looks for an exit.

He escapes the flames with a newfound vigor. He wants to live. He wants to go home. 

The fighting is still on going, so he goes for cover and joins the fray. He reaches for the picture of Christopher and then the one of Abed, both resting near his heart. _I’ll make it back_ , he vows. He looks to his fellow brothers in arms and leads the charge.

[End Flashback]

As his story of the past ends, Eddie is met with silence. His mind and body feel heavy and tired, but he forces his eyes open. He’s still facing the ceiling, so he turns to look at his team, his family. Red-rimmed eyes with wet streaks of tears look back at him. Chim and Hen are sitting next to each other leaning into one another. Bobby who began listening while leaning against a nearby wall now sits on the floor. His knee are close to chest and his arms curled around them with his head resting on top. He sniffles and wipes the tears away. He gives Eddie a small smile and a nod. Bobby understands better than anyone the pain of losing a child. He acknowledges Eddie’s pain and that in itself brings more comfort than he can comprehend.

He feels Buck next to him. His breathing is steady with the occasional sniffle. Above everything, Buck’s reaction is what he fears most. Deep in his heart he knows Buck will accept him no matter what, but his brain tells him to prepare for the worst. Eddie takes a deep breath and turns slightly to meet Bucks ocean eyes. They don’t need words nor does the silence welcome them. Buck understands and accepts him, it’s written all over him; from his welcoming body language to the reassuring small smile it’s clear as day.

Buck gently brushes the hair just above Eddie’s ear still completely lost in his eyes. Then, Eddie his hugging him. He can feel Eddie’s breath against his neck and begins stroking his back in a steady grounding motion. _I’m here, I’ll always be here_. He wills his thoughts into his best friend and prays he understands. 

Eddie can feel the exhaustion creep over him as the holds onto Buck. Emotions he tries to keep at bay are finally running wild and it feels good to let loose; it feels good to know he’s allowed to feel. He not as afraid of the secret memories anymore, not when Buck is next to him holding steady. _He’ll catch me_ , Eddies mind whispers. With one final sharp breath, he lets sleep take him, but not before he hears an almost ethereal voice followed by a gentle kiss. “It’ll be okay, I got your back.” He feels weightless, and for once, sleep comes easy.

[Next Morning]

Eddie is awoken by the soft light of the morning sun illuminating the room. He thinks back on everything that happened the night before. The secret he had harbored for years is finally out and yet his world continues to spin. There is no backlash waiting to surprise him just freedom, and a brighter future.

He looks around the room, realizing he doesn’t remember ever leaving the station. Sudden movement draws his eyes to the warm body spread on top of him. Buck is latched onto his side, pressing him closer to his chest. He can hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and rise and fall of each breath. Eddie turns and admires the man beside him. There’s no in the world he prefer to wake up everyday than the man sleeping soundly next to him. He reaches forward and touches the birthmark above the man’s brow and watches a lazy smile form on Buck’s face.

“Morning.” Buck’s raspy morning voice fills the silence. He leans forward before Eddie can respond and brings his nose to Eddie’s hair and his lips to his forehead. He leaves a sweet kiss and exhales. They stay in each other’s arms, content with just being close to one another.

“Will you stay when I tell Chris?” Eddie’s question hangs in the air for a second before Buck responds. “Yeah Eds. I’m not going anywhere.” Eddie wants to say it then. The only other secret he has left is his undying love for the man staring into him. But now’s not the time. After yesterday’s events, its best to let his mind and body rest before releasing another way of emotions. Buck simply nods. Even without words, he understands.

Abuela will eventually drop Chris off, and he’ll have to have a chat about his past. Until then, however, he’s happy to lie in bed while Buck's warmth and love spreads to every inch of his body. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am thinking about working on a medieval/fantasy fic about Buddie. There's magic and fights with a bit of lore. It might be good or terrible it remains to be seen. If that's something y'all would like to see, please say so, so I can start working on it.


End file.
